Calm Before the Storm

I did find a reason to smile this week or was it more of drown myself in laughter. One funny incident happened in our plant site as when they had their server fixed, everybody was mad at the IT department because the along with the working server came the next new bit of information, Facebook was not accessible. Major Labor Issue... hehe... Though it was less fun the next day as even the important work site were not accessible so had to deal with the issue heads on. I'm poking fun at what happened in the plant but assuming it happened in our Makati office. This could have been War!!!

Shallow as it seems. I guess we get some small reasons to smile or laugh in the most obscure situation but it swings the mood to something jovial. I'm unusually calm before an upcoming board meeting next week and even if things were in disarray, I was running on a long leash. Of course, several people and events did eat much of our deadline but somehow I'm more positive the past few days and seem more confident that I'll get through next week in one piece.

It took some time to sink in but I'm finally excited about seeing friends again in SG. There's so much to catch up and there's so much to look forward to. I'm back to some comfortable cycles like travel and I'm in the process of working for my Oz Viza for a breather there. I am trying to move out the migrate to UK option I've been tempted to take lately out of my mind since I know I'm not one to survive being far away from home for some time. I'm happy with the frequent short trips I take. I'm back in my comfort zone.

Aside from rushing reports, I spent my weekend to have my Facebook wall and photos uncluttered. There's so much tag photos and post already. Manage to untag half of over a thousand photos and clean up my wall until late last year (Nobody would have the patience to go back further from that). I did notice based on my post that its been such a roller coaster year but essentially still a good one. It's all part of the cycle.

Despite that everything has gone up, down and upside down, I am now ready to face the thrill and the turbulence of tomorrow and I guess the positive part of me would always prevail. Even on the worst of time, I'll always try to look positively at things and that's how I want things be. I may not know what I'll do next nor what in store in the next few years but I do know what I don't want to be. I don't want to be someone who don't feel secure looking at life half empty so I'll try to take whatever life gives me and just appreciate what's available yet still looking forward for the promises of tomorrow.

Going into a stormy week, I'm a bit calm (though had fever last night) and I hope things does turn out fine.

My Feel Good Blog

After weeks of going over the happy or sad roulette, I can now say that I finally found some reasons to feel good. Along the way, I did lose a huge amount of my confidence from under appreciated times. Though I was still able to get past my daily chores, it was not at the level I wanted them to be and I do set a very high level for myself.

In the busy-ness of the week that came, I did rediscover my swagger. I was reminded how I was able to step up and be able to get those funds when nobody believed that I could do it. I love the role of the underdog. I'm such a spitfire, the deeper I'm pushed down, the harder I strike back. I enjoy playing devil's advocate and be the independent mind that could keep some semblance of sanity and control. I'm a nice person in general but that doesn't mean I'm numb. I do speak out my mind if needed to. Love me or hate me, that's who I am.

I'm back and just in time to catch the rush for the annual general meeting. Looks like, I've booked myself some travel and fixing things in the weeks to come. And speaking of travel, on the question of To Europe or not to Europe, I'm leaning on not taking the trip as I would want to save it for another phase in this lifetime (Yes, even if I'm not ready to enter that phase now, I'm still not giving up on it). Might find my way back to the land down under but still awaiting developments on that.

I'm enjoying a new habit of Wine Outs (Dining out for Wines). Thanks Eunice for being such a wine buddy. I hope whoever said that a glass of wine a day is healthy is correct... If not... I'm screwed... Oh well, at least I get to enjoy some comforts of life. Lets think about consequences later. I need to have some semblance of irresponsibility at times.

I've been a little sleep deprived lately. Aside from the early morning rush to catch the ferry to Bataan as I've spent two days there this week, I've been trying to answer some questions in my mind but I'm now giving myself some leeway and more sleep with the thought that some answers we need to find, some answers will unfold at the right time for and some is not meant for us to unravel. I leave it at that.

I haven't look forward to tomorrow lately as the future is a bit murky at the moment but I'll just let tomorrow pull a surprise for me. At least, I'm moving to tomorrow on a more positive note and I guess, it's important to feel good about yourself and the rest will follow.

Excess Inkblogs: One last item that needs an answer, should we still be strangers at this point of time?

Short Leash Unleashed

"I think 2010 is the time I shake things up and make some changes so it's gonna be a different year." - The Year of the Franc... Part 4

Well done, a quarter into the year, I'm all shaken up. Some changes did set in and now I somehow pushed myself into a mini midlife crisis. Not really the crisis wherein you feel irrelevant and redundant but more on the one that makes you think if the life you have is the life you want. I don't have much to aspire in my fast-paced career but it's the other aspects that I found myself lacking.

There has been a shift in perspective and priorities and the more I think about it, I am drawn to a different future or direction. For one, I do think now of a future contrary to living by the day philosophy I did have for quite some time. Of course, there are things I have to resolve for today for that future to be relevant or else there'll always be a part of me that will always look back.

Change is good from time to time and even comfortable cycles have to come to a phase where change is eminent. I'm looking really to shake things up and I have that mindset that will always be volatile enough to go for a change yet stable enough to remain standing amidst the changing landscapes. I'm not done shaking things up and at the end of this and when the smoke clears up, it should be a brighter picture left hanging at least, that's the one I hope for.

Speaking of change, I'm now adopting a short leash approach. I used to have an approach that never fails. Do what you can and I'll do what's left. The problem with it is that if people don't do their share, I end up doing everything and they fail to develop new skills. Now, I'm setting a higher yardstick and eventually, people are gonna perform under that standard. You get a hearty thank you or more if you get things done but you do get reprimanded if you don't. The short leashed has been unleashed.

It's been a month now that I've been away during weekends as a form of escape. A large part of those time was spent thinking and thinking. That's the problem with knowing too much, you get to think so much that even the simpler things become complicated. Well, I just hit the thinking breaks and though I don't know which road to take, I can safely say, I'm now willing to take certain steps forward and will now leave the rest to some unseen hands to take me someplace safe and comfortable.

Thoughtless Thoughts: The real measure of stability is not holding your ground but being able to bend and remain standing after the wind of change has breezed by.

Half a Lifetime Ago

Before April 15 meant the sleepless chase for a tax filing deadline, it was a much deeper blow half a lifetime ago. In the chill of the night, we got a news that my father suffered a heart attack and is being rushed to the hospital. I ended up being left out being the youngest child. The news that followed was a life changer and now I know that the of the saddest thing that could happen to you is for people close to you to go away without saying goodbye. The blow came swift and unexpected, my father passed away at a young age of 46 years old. I guess that's one of the reasons I get the impulse of trying to fix things and chase goals as fast as I can since I always had the thought that anything can happen in an instant and what if by the time the right time comes it would be too late already.

"Death comes on the nth hour.

It's inevitable and unavoidable,

But Death is not an end,

It's a new beginning... a new journey."

My 16 year old self wrote those phrases on my father's obituary. The new journey was also for me as well as I have to lived with what have been imparted to me by then and from a hindsight perspective he did do well as a father. His strict ways thought me that I should have a sense of responsibility on my own actions. He thought me to appreciate what we have even though it wasn't much but it was never lacking. He lived his life as a protective person, a good friend and a carefree person who did enjoyed each moment. He needed just 16 years to mold me to be the person that I am now and modesty aside, I would want to believe he did raise a good person.

I could have wished you stayed around longer (I did have countless dreams along the years that you were still around) but I guess I just would live in the comfort that you were able to turnover as much as you can to me and now half a lifetime after, I can say the half a lifetime you were around will come a long way in my lifetime.

I was able to revisit this events as we visited my father's grave yesterday and decided to write a mini-tribute to his half a lifetime with me and I hope that next half a lifetime or quarter of a lifetime later, I'd also be able to look back on good memories I have imparted to the world.

Excess Inkblogs: I'm still mystified how lolo and lola death anniversary was on a year that ended in 8, my father, my uncles and my aunt death anniversary was on a year that ended in 4. Does that mean, I should be careful when the year ends with a 2? Do the Math!!!

Life is too Short not to be Happy

I've spent the last few days in the finer side with the company of friends and family - Late night dinner with friends at Cantinetta and Nommu before the Holy Week and spending Holy Week in Clearwater Country Club in Clark with Family. Except for the intolerable heat, the natural backdrop of Clearwater across the traffic-free streets of Clark was perfect retreat from the hustles of everyday life. I guess you just have to take these chances each time you can take cause life is too short not to be happy.

I guess even though things haven't been that fine as of late and by the small dent I got from my return to Manila yesterday from unidentified flying campaign materials the tide has not turned, I still owe it to myself to be happy. I tend to live safely in between - neither here nor there. Come to think of it, time will always go on forward and no matter how long we dwell in the past or the complications of the present that is not gonna change the fact that time will go on. So onward with the mystery that tomorrow brings and take a shot at happiness.

It's gonna be another day in the office and I'm betting it's gonna be difficult with another upcoming board meeting just breathing down our necks. I'll live through it and in a few difficult days, I do get my chance to see my SG based friends. There's always two sides of each story, the good and the bad and unfortunate for us, we are meant to experience both.

And about good and bad, I've been switching to and from clean shaven good boy neat look to unshaven husky bad boy look. Good or bad, which is better??? => Quite a dilemma... I know where this ends, I'll always get back to my default neat look. I guess that's how my personality is, I get chances where I'd want to be the bad guy that evokes interests but I always end up being a nice person that is always around.

Maybe, I won't be around often now. As it is, I need to chase some essentials that will get me another shot at happiness... and I am now emerging from my anti-social shell and happy times here I come..