Bruised and Battered

It's been a difficult week. I did get some messages of concern and encouragement in between but somehow I'm in a tipping point. Stress I can take... Mission impossible I have crossed that line several times... Unending politics, bickering and blame-throwing is starting to take its toll...

I should really get used to this by now but I'm in deep thought if I just allow the situation as they are. Even if I don't give much of a damn for the irrelevant, being under constant attacks is not ideal either. Looking good by discrediting other people doesn't make you less insecure. I'm comfortable that I am able to contribute accordingly so even if I'm bruised and battered by the attacks, I will survive. Maybe after you have walked your talk, that would be the time I would listen.

I just don't get it that people tend to count other people's blessings instead of their own. To make things simpler, there are more things in life than financial rewards and now, I'd like to dwell more on the other essential things in this next phase. I'm probably leaps and bounds away from my other goals but I'll have time to catch up.

And speaking of to dos, I do have an unresolved issue to deal with... somehow I know what to do but I'm still lost on how to get it done. I know that I should find a way to bridge some gaps but I'm afraid I might create a much larger wall that sets us apart further. I'm speaking in riddles... hahaha... That's exactly my frame of mind as of late... a big unravelled riddle...

Well, I'm glad to end on a peaceful note... A lot of requirements are complete and ended up meeting friends - dinner with an audit colleague and party with the AGSB gang... All is well that ends well for now... Life is just too important to take seriously... =>

Excess Inkblogs: In the heat of the frustrations, I ran 5K at the Ayala Triangle to blow off some steam... When things are not well, it's good to appreciate the simple things like a nice walk and a good run.

Dark Clouds

It seems that I've been walking on dark clouds in the past few months as nothing has going in my favor and now Stressville is back as half year preparations is at its peak. To add salt to wound in some ways I feel betrayed by certain moves of some people. It always have to go that way, when the going gets tough, the odds pile up against me. Makes me think if I still want to be part of this infernal cycle.

Bail out options has again crossed my mind. The comfort of just turning my back and let others do all the problem solving is tempting as ever but of course, that would have its consequences. A hiatus maybe something I need but that would have me throwing everything I ever worked for. I just can say as of now that I'd give up anything just to be back in the finer side of life even just for a day.

I sure wish to be back to the finer side of life. I hope it follows the pattern before that the fine times come after Stressville. Of course, it's a few more difficult weeks to go. Pathetic how I am so drained or demoralized after work that I have no energy to do other stuff considering that I should start training for another run. I'll just look forward to the time that the ball will bounce in my favor. I now know that what goes around comes around so for the mean time I'll try to be back to my nice guy personality in hopes that good things come back in bundle or if not at least I was able to lend a helping hand. That's one thing that makes me happy.

I'm always caught with the thought that chasing happiness is one of the simplest purpose of life. At the end of the day, if we can't be happy with what we are doing then everything won't make sense. And on the chasing the one I like... I'm giving her a head start and hoping when the chase begins, she'll be ready to get caught. Let me clear the dark cloud first.

Vent out over... You have to live life before you can write about it. I guess everything that happens, good or bad, is meant to give us a better understanding of life and the dark clouds are there for us to appreciate the sunshine.

Flashbacks Overload

I've been haunted by some sweet thoughts that I shouldn't remember by this time. Maybe it's triggered by being so close to a familiar place. How can some memories carved in so short a span of time still linger so long??? I guess there are still some words unspoken, thoughts unheard and doors to be closed or maybe a case of selective amnesia. I'm still bidding my time and space and will just hope that all would be well and fine in due time.

It's been a rough week coupled by a powerless day after the storm. It makes me believe that we are so dependent on the wonders of electricity. Funny how it felt being outdoors is much cooler than enduring the warm temperature indoors. I'm just glad that the storm is over and we had power shortly. This just goes to the normal course of things in our board meeting preparations as every time we are doing our preparations something happens.

I've also spent some time being a villain in the story for a change. Not the villain who does the bad deed but the one that goes against the popular choices. I'm not one to make obvious choices anyway and this time I felt that the structure was definitely wrong and had just to throw a wrench to stop it. You'll never make everybody happy, even if you try to because everybody would want something different and the best thing to do is just balance it.

From a villainous shift to an enlightened turn with a nice dinner conversation with our batch only priest, Fr. John. I'm still amazed how his choice of being a priest had him ended up exploring a huge chunk of the world and how much language he has already mastered. He was always good with words that's why I'd rather not proofread his pieces during our school paper days... Nose bleed. Somehow, I realized I'm in the exact place I should be and that I'm happy in so many ways though of course there'll always be something we want more... but I'd leave that as something I'd aspire for...

And one last thing, I did leave this threat... hehe... If I am unmarried by 40, I'll consider priesthood... Just kidding, I'm sure I'm not welcome in the profession. I'll just do my good deeds outside that circle... =>

Boring

Boring... that's how I'll describe the week that came. Oh yeah, I unexpectedly had a great time attending the alumni homecoming in SGV even if I can count the batch mates I saw. It says a lot knowing that most of your colleagues are overseas... Oh well, I still love my life here though the departure option did hit my mind lately. I still know a lot in this circles and it was great to see people once again.

Most part of the week was spent being sluggish and sick so it was a simple work-home-rest cycle as of late. I'm starting to get used to that cycle and save for a few get togethers, that's pretty much of how I'm spending my weekdays. I'm looking to resume workouts, the problem is at the end of the day, I'm either so exhausted or lazy to work out. I'll find the energy for that or else, I'd be too bloated and unprepared to do those weekend runs.

And what does take up my energy??? It's the office annoyances that no matter what you do, there'll always be something bad or not true you hear. I think this is where I get my attitude to not care enough with what people say. If I did listen to all those who undermined me in the past, then I'd probably be lost in oblivion now. I did have bouts of people saying I'm too young for my responsibilities but I did hit all my milestones... even the impossible ones. Let's just say I live for the challenge.

Well this weeks shifts from boring to annoying as there'll be a know-it-all lurking around calling unnecessary meetings and giving endless lectures. Oh well, that's part of a hard days work. I'll just have to try to get some headway on half year closing as the board meeting is fast approaching so we'll just have to manage the annoyances. I do have to meet a few friends in the week to come so lets see how I balance everything so maybe annoying can be fun too.

Let me resume my boring weekend for now... =>

Running Away From You

This is my fourth run and I'm still looking to having a few more runs in the next weeks to come. Getting to the finish line is such a refreshing experience especially after being one among more than 28,000 runners to brave the early morning heat. My second time at 5k but it looked more like 6K counting all the swervings you have to make due to the volume of people. My Ipod did confirm that the distance was indeed 6K. Forget that my head is aching a bit from the heat, my feet are a bit sore and I'm still trying to recover some lost energy... Running has been satisfying and I hope to try to trim down with more running but I really need to exert more time to train.

I'd rather have this type of headache from a healthy activity than the usual headache I get at the office for all the minor annoyances. I hope that people start building up on their own merits than trying to pull some people down. Maybe things at times are not fair but whatever I have, I earned it and work hard for it. I'm up for my next major challenge - half year reports. I don't plan to spend so much time in the office as efficiency is always a better goal.

It looks like some effort in the beginning of the year did not pay dividend but I guess, that's just the way things are. Not all efforts are rewarded with the desired results but that shouldn't stop us from trying. At the end of the day, it's still just work and the sooner you work with what you have, the faster you get to chase your next milestone. Come to think of it, I was able to explore new experiences by chasing the impossible before.

My schedule is now veering away from my anti-social mode. I've been able to touch base with former colleagues last week and would have a chance to get to meet more in the alumni homecoming next Tuesday and just to keep the record straight, I'm still enjoying my time as a client rather than being an auditor even if I've been spending so much time in my former circles lately.

It's a full month before next month's board meeting and I'm squeezing as much places to visit in my trip to China as I'm trying to reduce my travel load lately so will be juggling from one place to another. I'm not looking forward to that day yet as we are miles apart from all the 'to dos' to be accomplished but we'll get there one baby step at a time... =>

When All Else Fails

I rarely take a glance into the future since for the most part of my life, I've been occupied by the worries of today and at times, the burden of yesterday. Today is not really that bad either but some things are just not in their proper balance. I still have a missing ingredient to find and it'll be an essential piece in my life's recipe. At this time, the only thing certain about the future is uncertainty and if by a sudden twist of faith, when all else fails... I'll be ready or if I'm not, I now know that I'll have a support group that's gonna be there...

Speaking of missing ingredients, I'm still pissed of by people who determine their missing ingredient by what others have received and not on what they need or deserve. Things are much simpler than some envious brains can unravel. Not everything is given... not everything is fair... but for the most of things, it can be earned... Deal with it!!!! When people receive something, it means they earned it or deserve it or is part of a group that achieved a special task. No more, no less... Trust, respect and everything else is earned and not demanded. I only help people who need it and not people who demand it. I'll keep things cool this time but the next time I'm being attacked or anyone in my protection bubble, all hell is gonna break loose... and yes, that is a threat...

It was a good thing that in the midst of all the noise around, I was able to take a breather in 88 Hot Springs in Laguna with family. It was refreshing and relaxing and just a little over the hour drive from Manila. I enjoyed the warm pools and the dip at the energy pool was a unique experience. The 37-43 degrees water temperature was a real challenge. It was a nice get away and it was good to catch up from all the summer getaways I didn't take the past few months. I guess summer is as long as you want it to be in this part of the world.

It was also a welcome experience to watch the launch of a future major player in the auditing profession last night and I was impressed by the launch and glad to meet a lot of my MC2 mentors and colleagues in this event. It's a rare event that a new player comes up in the audit industry so was glad to take part in this event.

Today being a holiday is just perfect timing. The weekend has been tiring with all the 'sundo' chores that came with it. I am just glad that before the break, we did make some headway in our half year preparations. I feel that we're starting to resolve several issues now and hopefully, it's gonna be smooth half year closing and the rest I'd rather leave as tomorrow's burden... =>

Running in the Rain

I was a kid today. A normal 5K run became something different and exhilarating - Running in the Rain. It do remind me of the carefree times when we were kids playing in the rain. This time it was during a run that was made difficult by rain soaked clothes and shoes, slippery terrain and the continuous falling of the rain. It was really fun and was glad to finish the run amidst the cool breeze that came with the rain.

I hope I was a kid for the rest of last week to but I guess, things are not as rosy as expected. I feel that someone out there is anxiously waiting for me to fail. I hope I am wrong but trust is not something I can just give away that easily. I'll be vigilant and be cautious but a constant know-it-all lectures even when it is inappropriate and premature won't stop me from getting the job done. I guess that's how I work - not necessarily Mr. Popularity but always effective and creative. At the end of the day, if you're a diamond, you'll always glisten. If you are trash, you'll always stink.

The busy days are approaching and I'm slowly emerging from my anti-social shell. Come to think of it, the slack I thought I can enjoy after AGM never really came because of eternal meetings and that's the problem with some people really. They spend so much time talking about the problem than finding the solutions. Oh well, there's so much know-it-alls trying to outwit each other. For me, I'll just continue seeking answers instead in overreacting with all those questions. I have burst some of my protection bubbles by allowing people more leeway to present what they have to offer. It's best to let people have ownership with what they do even if it means it would take more time and mistakes.

I'm still ecstatic of Purple & Gold's come from behind championship win over Green. I'm glad that I've been rooting for Purple & Gold all this time. It was a nice series though and Green was a worthy adversary. Hope they can make it a three-peat next year.

Weekends have been packed lately and I guess that's always a welcome change. I just hope to have more runs and training and be healthy in the process. Speaking of health, I just hope I don't get to be sick after running in the rain but who cares, it was real fun running in the rain.